Arcaneya

Author: Ira

  • She’s Out of My League (2010): A Realistic 1–10 Personal Rating System

    Inspired by the rom-com fantasy of She’s Out of My League, this scoring system takes the idea of “rating” someone beyond looks and superficial traits. Unlike the movie’s exaggerated 5 vs. 10 leagues, this scale focuses on real personality, health, confidence, and energy, while keeping a touch of humor. It’s also a handy reference for anyone who wants to get their act together, develop themselves, and climb higher on their personal scale.

    1 – Completely Unapproachable / Chaotic Energy
    Someone actively unpleasant or impossible to talk to. Conversations feel like running through molasses.
    Comedy note: “Like a cat video gone wrong—painful, but you can’t look away.”

    2 – Socially Clumsy / Distracting
    Tries to engage but fails spectacularly. Overshares, interrupts, or misreads every social cue.
    Comedy note: “Like someone who brought a kazoo to a dinner party—well-meaning, but why?”

    3 – Functional, But Boring
    Pleasant enough, but utterly unremarkable. Can hold a conversation but leaves no impression.
    Comedy note: “Like plain toast: reliable, but you’re not asking for seconds.”

    4 – Almost There / Some Charm
    Hints of personality or style, but inconsistent. Shows potential if they push themselves.
    Comedy note: “Like a warm-up act hinting at a headline show—you see the sparks, just not the fireworks yet.”

    5 – Decent / Approachable
    Solid baseline. Pleasant to be around, easy to talk to, socially functional.
    Comedy note: “Like a solid cup of coffee: dependable, enjoyable, and won’t make you regret waking up early.”

    6 – Pleasant to Talk To
    Conversation flows naturally, funny or interesting without trying too hard. Personality starts to shine.
    Comedy note: “Like a good playlist you can listen to on repeat—comfortable, familiar, and hard not to like.”

    7 – Healthy Body / Vitality
    Shows signs of good health and energy. Not necessarily a supermodel, but strong, active, and energetic.
    Comedy note: “Like spinach in your smoothie—good for you, and surprisingly impressive if you notice it.”

    8 – X-Factor / Magnetic Personality
    That special spark: charm, humor, wit, or something hard to define. People notice them in a room.
    Comedy note: “Like a magician at a kid’s party—can’t quite explain why you’re mesmerized, but you are.”

    9 – Confidence / Natural Poise
    Carries themselves well, comfortable in their own skin. Handles awkward situations with grace.
    Comedy note: “Like someone who walks into a meeting in pajamas and somehow makes it look like couture.”

    10 – Radiant Energy / Full Presence
    They light up the room, draw people in effortlessly, and leave a lasting impression. Looks, personality, and energy are all in sync.
    Comedy note: “Like a double rainbow during a perfect sunset—rare, unforgettable, and slightly intimidating.”

    Why This Scale Works

    • It’s grounded and non-superficial—looks matter, but so do personality, confidence, and energy.
    • It’s dynamic—scores can improve with effort: practicing social skills, improving health, and building confidence.
    • It’s practical—anyone looking to grow personally can use this as a guide to see where they might improve and aim for higher levels, not just for romantic pursuits but for life in general.

    Thank you,

    Ira

  • She’s Out of My League (2010): Making it Less Far-fetched and More Tropey

    She’s Out of My League is one of those comedies that seems to have everything lined up for success. It takes a relatable fantasy—the average guy getting the dream girl—and builds a story around it. There are plenty of laughs, some awkward situations, and a likable lead in Jay Baruchel. For a casual watch, it works. But when you step back, the cracks start to show. The story leans too hard on the gimmick of the “10 out of 10” beauty falling for a “5 at best” guy. Instead of developing real chemistry or growth, the film often plays the mismatch for laughs.

    The biggest problem comes when the script tries to raise the stakes. Just before Kirk and Molly are about to take the next step in their relationship, the movie throws in a wild self-destructing freak-out from Kirk. It doesn’t feel like a natural part of his character arc—it feels inserted to create the standard rom-com breakup beat. The result is more silly than believable.

    At its heart, the movie misses a chance to tell a more grounded story. The idea of Kirk not pushing himself onto Molly and standing out from the usual guys at a party is solid. Molly’s interest could easily grow from that spark. But the film doesn’t follow through. Instead, it turns Kirk into a walking ball of insecurity that explodes at the wrong moments. The relationship feels less like something built step by step, and more like something that “just happens” because the plot demands it.

    An Alternative Outline

    Imagine if the story leaned into the misunderstanding at the start. Kirk returns Molly’s phone at a party. They talk for a while, and Kirk never asks for her number, never tries anything. Molly mistakes this restraint for quiet confidence, even maturity. What she doesn’t know is that Kirk is holding back because he thinks she’s completely out of his league. That misunderstanding is the spark.

    But Kirk knows the truth. He knows that the second Molly meets his family and friends, the illusion will crack. They’ll laugh, they’ll stare, they’ll undercut him. So he hides her. Every chance for her to meet his circle is dodged with awkward excuses. Molly finds it strange, but she interprets it as him being private, maybe even protective. For Kirk, it’s survival.

    Eventually, Molly insists. She doesn’t want a relationship in hiding. When she finally meets Kirk’s people, the illusion collapses. Shocked faces, awkward jokes, and Kirk’s own discomfort reveal everything she had started to suspect: he wasn’t being confident, he was being scared. And for Molly, that hurts. She realizes he never really believed he deserved her.

    This sets up a much stronger conflict. Kirk can’t hide anymore. He has to face the fact that he put Molly on a pedestal and let fear control him. His growth comes not from avoiding embarrassment or stumbling into luck, but from choosing to own who he is and stand by Molly without shame. Molly, on her side, has to decide if she wants a partner who is flawed but honest, instead of the fantasy of the guy who seemed immune to her beauty.

    Closing Thoughts

    This version of the story may lean on a more familiar rom-com trope—hiding the relationship until it blows up—but it at least feels believable. The conflict grows out of the characters, not out of forced gags. Kirk doesn’t magically become confident; he earns it by confronting his fear. Molly isn’t just a prize to be won, but someone who demands honesty. It’s still funny, still awkward, still romantic—but grounded enough that the love story actually rings true.

    Thanks,

    Ira

  • Identity Thief (2013): Introducing Some Cosmic Imbalance for a Proper Archetypal Beginning

    When Identity Thief came out, critics and audiences were quick to point out its flaws. On paper, the movie had all the right ingredients for a comedy with heart: Jason Bateman’s uptight everyman colliding with Melissa McCarthy’s chaotic trickster energy. But the recipe just didn’t come together. Much of the fault lies in how the story began. The opening setup was not only unbelievable on more occasions than one—it was, at its core, misaligned.

    The most glaring problem was this: Sandy, presented to us as an honest, hardworking man, is suddenly scammed out of his identity. It doesn’t quite click. Comedy—especially comedy with some heart—rarely works when pure virtue is simply punished. If Sandy is so utterly without fault, then the theft feels unfair and arbitrary. Without an initial imbalance, there’s no cosmic logic to what follows, only a string of hijinks.

    The Missing Imbalance

    The fix lies not in piling on more gags, but in looking back to the archetypes that have always sustained comedy. Stories of this kind work best when they begin with a small dishonesty, a slight bending of the truth, a little cosmic imbalance. That imbalance draws forth chaos—the trickster character, the accident, the storm—that forces the hero to confront themselves.

    So let’s imagine Sandy not as spotless, but as human. Out of desperation to provide for his family, he scams his way into a promotion. Maybe he bends his résumé, maybe he stretches a sales pitch, maybe he cuts corners. It’s not a grand con, but it’s enough to place him in a shadowy gray area.

    And then, when his first inflated paycheck comes in, the exact surplus amount is stolen. Not a random theft, not a punishment for goodness, but a karmic echo of his own misstep. The universe, in the shape of McCarthy’s Diana, has delivered balance. Now the story starts to hum with archetypal tension.

    Why Balance Matters

    This is how comedies have always found their footing. In Shakespeare’s comedies, a lie or disguise throws the world into chaos until truth is confessed. In Wilder’s films, a cheat or shortcut invites the trickster’s intrusion. The balance is disturbed, and then restored, but only after chaos and honesty have done their work.

    By giving Sandy this small initial scam, the story anchors itself in that timeless rhythm. He’s not just a victim of absurd circumstance—he’s part of the equation. Which also means, when the third act arrives and Diana bares her soul, Sandy has something of his own to confess. He didn’t earn his new life honestly either. His flaw mirrors hers, and so their eventual bond feels earned.

    A Natural Road Into the Journey

    The film also stumbles in how it sends Sandy on the road in the first place. The idea that he would fly across the country, physically drag a stranger back, and that this would somehow resolve the situation is more far-fetched than the premise can support.

    A better path grows naturally from this rebalanced setup. At first, Sandy travels only to confront Diana, maybe to get a signature or clear up the mess in some legal form. But once they meet, once their odd chemistry starts to spark, the idea of returning together grows out of the interaction itself. It doesn’t feel imposed by the screenwriter’s hand—it flows like water from the characters colliding.

    The Comedy That Could Have Been

    These two changes—a Sandy with a shadow, and a more natural entry into the road trip—wouldn’t just smooth over plot holes. They’d give the movie an archetypal backbone, a sense that the universe has order, even in comedy. Instead of a random mismatch of hijinks, we’d see a dance of imbalance and restoration, a meeting of two flawed people who end up finding honesty in each other.

    Had Identity Thief embraced that rhythm, it might have been more than a loose collection of gags. It might have resonated as a story where chaos leads to truth, where balance is restored. And if that had been the case, there’s no doubt its IMDb score would sit at least a point higher today.

    Thanks,

    Ira

  • Seventh Son (2014): The Right Ingredients, But No Recipe

    Seventh Son should have been a darkly enchanting fantasy — a medieval tale of witches, monsters, and reluctant heroes. On paper, it had everything: a world ripe with folklore, a grizzled mentor in Master Gregory, a young apprentice in Tom Ward, and an old evil stirring again. But what critics and audiences quickly picked up on is that while the film had all the right ingredients, it never found the recipe. The world was intriguing, but the story felt like a patchwork of tropes, hollow gestures, and moments that didn’t build toward anything greater.

    Instead of wonder, we were left with a sense of detachment. And that’s why so many panned it.

    Where the Film Went Wrong

    The largest pitfall wasn’t simply poor pacing or uneven dialogue. It was deeper: the story seemed to be happening to Tom rather than Tom living it. At every turn, he was swept along — purchased as an apprentice, told what his destiny is, nudged toward his visions — and all of this robbed the narrative of agency.

    The “special one” trope, the idea that being a seventh son of a seventh son made him innately chosen, stripped Tom of any earned progress. His visions doubled down on this, as if fate had already written his story, removing ambiguity and the essential tension of free will. And then, as if that weren’t enough, he fell into a romance with Alice before the story even had time to breathe. A kiss that early makes the kiss at the end feel less like a crescendo of growth and intimacy and more like reheated leftovers.

    The result? A flat arc. No real tension. No chance for the protagonist to stumble, doubt, choose poorly, and only then learn.

    A Better Recipe: The Reimagined Outline

    What if Seventh Son leaned into what it already had but corrected its course? Let’s imagine it.

    First, the “special one” is reframed not as a gift, but as a burden — or even worse, a false sense of importance. Tom’s bravado, fed by the myth of being “the seventh son,” would be his greatest flaw. He would think himself destined for greatness when in truth, greatness is only ever earned. This arrogance is what drives him to choose Gregory’s shorter, riskier path — ignoring the master’s warnings about safer routes. Each monster along the way isn’t random spectacle but a reflection of Tom’s inner flaws: recklessness, impatience, fear of failure. The foes escalate as his bravado cracks, forcing him to face himself as much as the enemy.

    Second, his departure from home should be a choice. Not the result of being bought, bartered, or bullied, but a conscious leap into danger — a decision rooted in youthful arrogance. It’s only later, when the weight of consequence presses on him, that the hollowness of bravado becomes clear.

    Third, the romance with Alice should serve as the barometer of his growth. No sudden spark, no premature kiss, but a slow-burning connection tested by trust, betrayal, and fear. If their bond is withheld until the end, the final kiss isn’t a repeat of an earlier scene — it’s a release, the proof that Tom has shed his fears, his arrogance, and found himself.

    Why This Works

    This reframing doesn’t erase the folklore or spectacle of Seventh Son. It enhances it. Suddenly the story is about choice, consequence, and growth. By stripping away the lazy shortcuts — the destiny card, the visions, the early romance — and letting Tom wrestle with agency, bravado, and earned intimacy, the film could have turned from flat fantasy into a mythic coming-of-age.

    It’s not that Seventh Son lacked magic. It lacked a protagonist who mattered by choice rather than prophecy. With that simple shift, the monsters become mirrors, the romance becomes earned, and the arc becomes a journey of a boy who thought he was special until he realized being human — flawed, brave, and free — was special enough.

    Thanks,

    Ira

  • The Purge (2013): Straightening Act 1 for Maximum Tension and Moral Irony

    The Purge (2013) has a brilliant concept: a society where all crime is legal for twelve hours. Yet the original execution rushes straight into purge night, leaving audiences with standard “someone might kill you for no reason” thrills rather than truly earned suspense. The movie barely establishes the world, the characters’ motivations, or the tension that should naturally build before the purge begins. In this article, we focus on straightening Act 1, showing how a slower, layered introduction could make the story richer, funnier, and morally compelling.

    Building the Mundane World Before Chaos

    A classic story introduction contrasts the ordinary with the extraordinary. In a tightened Act 1, the days before the purge would be filled with subtle tension and dark humor. Two girls gossiping about a breakup idea illustrate this perfectly: “Are you absolutely insane… one week before the purge?” one warns. “Don’t worry… three days before, I’m gone to a place nobody knows,” the other replies coolly. Even mundane decisions feel like life-or-death choices, and the audience senses a world teetering on the edge of chaos.

    The neighborhood itself hums with tension. Micro-resentments, petty grudges, and whispered judgments ripple through interactions. Every glance, comment, or minor slights carry weight — foreshadowing that these ordinary frustrations will explode during the purge.

    Churches Full of Anxiety

    Two days before the purge, churches are packed to the brim. Families, neighbors, and anxious individuals fill pews, candles flicker, and soft organ music underscores collective unease. Ethan Hawke’s character is there, lingering long after the service. He isn’t merely seeking spiritual comfort; he’s wrestling with guilt over a professional misstep. Earlier this year, he badmouthed a competing consulting company, indirectly causing harm. Sitting quietly, he contemplates his moral failures while the congregation murmurs and neighbors exchange subtle, loaded glances. Even before violence strikes, tension pervades every interaction.

    Ethan’s Morally Ambiguous Motivation

    In this version, Ethan isn’t simply a protective dad — he’s a flawed, morally grey figure. He runs a consulting service, advising neighbors on purge survival, and profits handsomely from their fear and paranoia. He has bought himself protective equipment, but the irony is that on purge night, he locks his neighbors out, leaving them vulnerable.

    This setup layers the story with moral tension. Ethan’s paranoia isn’t just personal; it’s fueled by guilt and opportunism. His internal conflict surfaces in subtle ways: at work, a colleague confronts him about the earlier incident, urging him to apologize. Ethan snaps defensively: “I have nothing to apologize for!” The audience sees a man struggling with hubris, ethics, and survival — a far more compelling protagonist than a generic protective father.

    Paranoia and Dark Humor

    One day before the purge, a car parks across Ethan’s street. He immediately suspects revenge from the competitor company he undermined, his paranoia peaking. The camera closes on the car… only to reveal two junkies smoking pot, oblivious to him. This moment combines dark humor with character development, highlighting Ethan’s obsessive lens and building tension without immediate violence.

    Setting Up Purge Night

    All of these elements — neighborhood micro-resentments, high-strung churchgoers, office confrontations, and the suspicious car — converge to build psychological and moral tension. By the time purge night arrives, the stakes feel earned: it’s not just about surviving masked intruders, but about a community simmering with grudges, a protagonist with secrets and guilt, and moral consequences that will explode in darkly ironic ways.

    Imagine the tension if Ethan were hiding even more from his wife — perhaps a mistress, adding personal stakes on top of moral ones. Suddenly, every choice he makes before and during the purge feels consequential, suspenseful, and even absurdly funny. A straightened Act 1 like this transforms the film from a rushed horror concept into a layered, psychologically rich thriller, where each moment of pre-purge tension pays off in chaos that is both thrilling and morally complex.

    Thanks,

    Ira

  • The Watch (2012): Failed Because It Was Not Absurd Enough. Let’s Fix That

    Some movies start with a premise so sharp you can’t help but think, this is going to be good. The Watch (2012), starring Ben Stiller, Vince Vaughn, Jonah Hill, and Richard Ayoade, is one of those. A bunch of suburban men form a neighborhood watch, only to discover that their sleepy town is infested with aliens. It’s the kind of setup that should write itself into a cult comedy classic. Yet the execution was anything but. The movie barrels ahead with scattershot gags, tonal shifts, and chaotic alien action that never quite gels with the humor. What could have been a satire of suburbia meeting the absurd ended up with a truly horrific Rotten Tomatoes score and a reputation as one of those comedies that just couldn’t deliver.

    The core problem? The Watch wasn’t absurd enough. It wanted to play with outlandish ideas but never fully committed, trying to be a half-comedy, half-action film, and landing awkwardly in between. The absurdity was always waiting in the wings, but the movie chose explosions over escalation.

    The Missed Opportunity for Absurdity

    Imagine instead that the inciting incident didn’t involve aliens at all. The Costco security guard at the beginning doesn’t die in some shocking extraterrestrial attack — he just gets wasted at a late-night party in the store and has a horrific accident. Ben Stiller’s character, desperate to impose order on his otherwise mundane life, convinces himself that no human accident could look that bizarre. He concludes it must have been aliens.

    From there, paranoia takes over. A neighborhood watch is formed. The men start seeing patterns where there are none — blinking lights, strange noises, people acting suspiciously. Their imagination fuels their conviction, and the comedy comes not from alien gore but from how far suburban dads will take their fantasies when unchallenged. The brilliance here would be the slow burn escalation: the audience isn’t sure if this is all in their heads or if something real is lurking.

    And then — against all odds — the aliens actually show up.

    The Confrontation and the Cosmic Prank

    When the Watch finally faces aliens, the absurdity peaks. They’re laughably outmatched. Their paranoia-driven confidence shatters as the aliens wipe the floor with them. The men break down, humiliated, admitting they never really knew what they were doing. In the wreckage of their dignity, they’re ready for annihilation.

    But instead of finishing them off, the aliens reveal the truth: it was all a prank. They’d heard rumors across the galaxy about some suburban town in a backwater corner of Earth where guys had formed a “watch” for aliens. The sheer ridiculousness of it was too tempting. They had to see what would happen if they played along.

    The aliens didn’t come to invade; they came to troll. What the humans mistook for deadly serious was, for the aliens, cosmic hazing.

    Why This Would Work

    This alternative outline doesn’t just heighten the absurdity — it commits to it. By rooting the story first in accident-born paranoia, it grounds the comedy in something relatable: how humans can invent meaning (illusion) where there is none. The slow escalation gives the characters room to grow and play off one another instead of drowning in chaotic set pieces. The reckoning and willingness to admit their pitfalls and naivete at the end is the earned product of that internal growth. And the cherry on top? The very satisfaction that, in their own ridiculous way, they managed to manifest their thoughts into reality.

    After the ego is broken, new unassuming galactic friends emerge — pranksters who prove that sometimes the universe is in on the joke. That ending lands with a laugh and a point. Sometimes life’s big battles aren’t cosmic wars but our own tendency to take ourselves too seriously. In this version, The Watch could have been a suburban Galaxy Quest — self-aware, absurd, and much more fun to watch.

    Thank you,

    Ira

  • The Joneses (2009): What’s Up With the Rushed Ending? Let’s Do It Right

    Derrick Borte’s The Joneses arrived with a razor-sharp premise. A perfectly curated fake family moves into suburbia, not for love or belonging, but to sell consumer envy by living it. They flaunt luxury cars, designer clothes, the latest gadgets, all while pretending to be the ideal neighbours. It’s a satire that feels uncomfortably close to truth. Yet for all its wit, the ending of the film rushes past its own setup. Steve, the father figure played by David Duchovny, rebels against the system in a single stroke, and Kate, Demi Moore’s icy matriarch, suddenly joins him as they drive off together. The resolution is quick, convenient, and unearned.

    But what if the ending unfolded more slowly, letting the weight of its themes come crashing down? What if the suicide that rocks the neighbourhood wasn’t just a byproduct of envy, but the direct consequence of Steve’s own actions? In that unraveling lies a sharper, more haunting story.

    The Fatal Sale

    From the beginning, Steve is the weak link in the Joneses operation. Unlike his polished “family,” he struggles to weave product pitches smoothly into everyday conversation. His attempts are clumsy, his eagerness too obvious. Kate scolds him, the “children” roll their eyes, and he is left desperate to prove he belongs.

    So he pushes harder. Zeroing in on a vulnerable neighbour, Steve goes all-in on a sales pitch. Maybe it’s the promise of a luxury car, or a set of golf clubs, or some status symbol that glimmers with importance. Against the odds, his effort works. The neighbour caves, makes the purchase, and for the first time, Steve feels successful.

    That triumph is short-lived. The neighbour has overextended himself, chasing an image he cannot afford, and the financial strain spirals into despair. When the man takes his own life, the illusion of harmless consumerism shatters. Steve is no longer complicit in a vague system. He is directly responsible.

    The Walls Closing In

    The tragedy leaves Steve shellshocked. He cannot admit his role, but he cannot keep going either. Every time he tries to pitch a product, the words die in his throat. His confidence evaporates, his charm falters. The Joneses machine still hums around him, Kate sharper than ever, the company pressing for results, but Steve is broken.

    The neighbours, once dazzled by the family, begin to sense something is off. Whispers ripple through the community. Envy curdles into resentment. Slowly, the walls close in on Steve, and he becomes the fracture line that threatens to break the entire façade.

    The Confession

    It doesn’t end with a heroic speech but with a collapse. At a neighbourhood gathering, Steve blurts out the truth. He admits they are actors, salespeople in disguise, and worse, that his own success helped push a neighbour to his death. The confession is messy, awkward, filled with guilt. He doesn’t deliver it to inspire change but because he can no longer hold the weight of the lie.

    It is repentance, not rebellion.

    The Aftermath

    The company reacts with cold efficiency. The Joneses are reassigned, a new “father” slotted into Steve’s vacant role. Kate does not look back. Her devotion to the illusion is too deep, her fear of losing everything too strong. She chooses the safety of the system over the risk of authenticity.

    Steve is left behind, disgraced but oddly lighter. The neighbours, stunned by his honesty, don’t shun him entirely. One offers him a modest, sincere job — something small, unremarkable, and real. For the first time, Steve earns without selling envy, and though it is humble, it is human.

    A Story That Lingers

    This reimagined ending would allow The Joneses to breathe, to close with the same incisive power that its premise promised. The suicide becomes the turning point of Steve’s arc, tying him directly to the consequences of his ambition. The walls closing in on him build natural tension, and the final fracture delivers not a neat romantic escape, but a bittersweet truth.

    Steve learns, too late, that envy is not a foundation for life. He sought validation by making others jealous, only to discover that real worth can only be earned honestly. Meanwhile, the machine rolls on, indifferent, installing a new Joneses family for the next neighbourhood. The satire deepens.

    Instead of fading out on an unbelievable reconciliation, the story would end with a man stripped of illusions, standing face-to-face with sincerity for the first time. And that, far more than a ride into the sunset, is the ending The Joneses deserved.

    Thanks,

    Ira

  • Pan (2015): Magical Flight In the Beginning? Not in this Reimagined Outline

    When Pan (2015) first sailed into theaters, it promised a dazzling new take on Peter Pan’s origin story. What audiences got instead was a patchwork quilt of overused tropes, strange creative choices, and one of the most infamous sequences in recent cinema: Blackbeard’s pirates belting out Nirvana’s “Smells Like Teen Spirit.” That moment, as bizarre as it sounds, became a perfect symbol for the film—loud, confusing, and entirely disconnected from the timeless magic of J.M. Barrie’s creation. And it only got worse from there, with trope after trope piling up until the story collapsed under its own weight.

    The Flight That Ruined the Journey

    One of the most important motifs in Peter Pan’s story is flight—the ultimate symbol of freedom, belief, and transformation. In mythic storytelling terms, the “magical flight” usually comes near the end of the hero’s journey, as a culmination of growth and courage. But in Pan, the filmmakers burned through that moment almost immediately. When Blackbeard kicks Peter off the plank, Peter suddenly manages to fly, not through struggle or belief, but as if it were his destiny all along. From that instant, the movie tells us he’s “the special one,” chosen from birth, and therefore removes all suspense, ambiguity, or wonder. Why worry if Peter’s already proven to be invincible by the twenty-minute mark? The rest of the story limps on, robbed of its heart.

    How It Could Have Worked Instead

    Imagine if, instead of prematurely crowning Peter the messiah of Neverland, the film leaned into ambiguity. The fairies could whisper among themselves about an ancient legend: one day, a child wearing a magical necklace would save Neverland from the pirates. When they see Peter with the necklace, they wonder quietly if it’s him, but no one—including the audience—knows for sure. Then, when Blackbeard pushes Peter off the plank, the fairies secretly sneak in and sprinkle him with fairy dust, just enough so he flutters to safety. The pirates are stunned, just like in the original 1953 film, but this time the audience is in on the secret: it was a scam.

    Peter, of course, believes he really is the chosen one, and his swelling ego puts his friends in danger. The fairies are scolded by their “fairy grandmother” for meddling with destiny and feeding Peter’s false belief. But here’s where the arc pays off—at the climax, when everyone is cornered and all hope is lost, Peter finally manages to fly for real. Not because he was born special, but because he has grown, repented for his reckless mistakes, and found the courage to believe in himself. That moment would have carried the magic the movie so desperately needed.

    Why This Change Matters

    This small adjustment alone could have transformed Pan from a hollow origin story into a myth worth retelling. It would have preserved the ambiguity of Peter’s destiny, given him an actual character arc, and left the audience with the same awe and wonder that Barrie’s original story still evokes. Instead, what we got was a fast-track to “chosen one” status, followed by a cringe-worthy holographic fairy-dust mother, duplicated Cara Delevingne mermaids, and, yes, a pirate choir that belonged more in karaoke night than Neverland.

    Sometimes the difference between a story collapsing and a story soaring isn’t a massive rewrite—it’s simply knowing when not to spend your most magical moment.

    Thanks,

    Ira

  • Percy Jackson & The Olympians: The Lightning Thief (2010): Three Plot Issues That Drive Us Crazy

    When Percy Jackson & The Olympians: The Lightning Thief hit theaters in 2010, it brought Rick Riordan’s beloved book to life with eye-catching special effects and a fun, modern twist on Greek mythology. The film follows Percy Jackson, a seemingly ordinary teen who discovers he is the son of Poseidon, as he becomes embroiled in a quest involving stolen lightning, vengeful gods, and perilous adventures. While visually engaging and appealing to a younger audience, the movie’s narrative falters in ways that even casual viewers can notice. Critics and fans alike pointed out pacing issues, campy moments, and story choices that feel illogical, leaving the film struggling to capture the cleverness and heart of its source material.

    The Three Plot Issues

    Among the film’s many missteps, three stand out as particularly frustrating. First, the premise that children of gods are automatically demigods capable of incredible feats undermines any potential arc. Percy, presented as instantly competent, never truly earns his victories, which flattens his growth and diminishes audience investment in his journey. Second, the gods’ reaction to the stolen lightning bolt is baffling: they instantly pin the blame on Percy without any search, discussion, or speculation. The lack of investigation makes them appear either incompetent or irrational, creating an avoidable plot hole that weakens the stakes. Third, the subplot involving Persephone and the three pearls is convoluted and nonsensical. The pearls are supposedly magical objects that allow visitors to escape the Underworld, yet Persephone, who controls them, cannot simply hand them over. Instead, they are scattered across the world for reasons that remain unexplained, turning what should be a logical plot device into a confusing fetch quest.

    Proposing a Better Approach

    These three issues — Percy’s overpowered heritage, the gods’ blind accusation, and the pearl confusion — are all fixable, and addressing them could transform the story into a more satisfying and coherent adventure.

    First, Percy’s divine parentage could confer only limited benefits, such as accelerated healing in water, while all other abilities would need to be learned and honed through training. This allows Percy’s pride in being Poseidon’s son to drive recklessness and mistakes, giving him a believable and engaging arc. Second, Percy should have a direct role in the theft to give him agency. At Camp Half-Blood, an excursion could set the stage for Hades, disguised as a mentor, to manipulate Percy into taking the lightning bolt without fully understanding its significance. Hades then removes the bolt to the Underworld, but his involvement is initially only speculative, creating tension and mystery. Percy, recognizing the consequences of his actions, volunteers to enter the Underworld to recon and investigate the bolt.

    Finally, instead of the illogical pearl quest, Percy’s journey could revolve around earning three divine tools necessary for his mission: the Sword of Courage, the Armor of Heart, and the Helmet of Wisdom. Each tool would be obtained through a trial that teaches him the trait it represents, turning a random collection task into a structured series of challenges that align with character growth.

    Why These Changes Matter

    By rethinking these key elements, the story gains coherence, logic, and emotional weight. Percy’s victories feel earned, the antagonist’s plan becomes compelling rather than arbitrary, and the quest transforms from a confusing fetch mission into a meaningful path of growth. The stakes are personal and cosmic, and the narrative allows Percy to make mistakes, learn from them, and gradually become the hero the audience wants him to be. These changes preserve the excitement and mythic wonder of the original story while giving it the depth it needed to fully resonate on screen.

    Thanks,

    Ira

  • The Fifth Element (1997): Diva Plavalaguna, Hidden Stones, and the Awakening Within

    Luc Besson’s The Fifth Element dazzles with its colors, humor, and chaos, but beneath the spectacle lies a deeply spiritual subtext. Central to this is Diva Plavalaguna, the ethereal opera singer who literally carries the four elemental stones within her body—a metaphor for the hidden energies within ourselves. These stones, corresponding to the classic elements—earth, water, fire, and air—align with the human chakra system, while Leeloo, the fifth element, embodies the crown chakra, the integration of all energy into spiritual awakening.

    The Body as a Sacred Vessel

    By hiding the stones within her, the Diva transforms her body into a sacred repository of cosmic energy. Each stone resonates with a chakra:

    • Earth (Root Chakra): Grounding, stability, connection to life’s physical realities.
    • Water (Sacral Chakra): Emotions, creativity, and the flow of life.
    • Fire (Solar Plexus Chakra): Willpower, transformation, and inner strength.
    • Air (Heart/Throat Chakra): Compassion, communication, and higher consciousness.

    Leeloo, as the fifth element, is the crown—the ultimate spiritual integration of these energies, unlocking enlightenment and cosmic harmony. The ascension in short.

    Dreams as Portals to Inner Reality

    In the beginning of the movie, when we’re introduced to the evil, Korben suddenly awakens suggesting the “dream that wasn’t” trope. While in many films this trope can disorient viewers, here it is deeply symbolic: the dreams reveal that evil is not merely an external threat but a reflection of the darkness within us. These visions function as a spiritual mirror, a prompt to confront internal chaos and imbalance.

    The narrative suggests that only by recognizing and balancing these inner elements—the chakras represented by the stones—can one “open the crown” and abolish evil. Korben’s awakening mirrors the moment of inner clarity: the hero must face latent shadows and harmonize his own energies before he can act as an instrument of cosmic restoration.

    Hidden Potential and Spiritual Revelation

    The Diva’s role is crucial: she safeguards the stones until the moment when humanity is ready to awaken and ascend, illustrating the principle that true power and divine insight are often latent within. Her final act of revealing the stones symbolizes the transfer of wisdom and the selfless guidance needed for awakening, much like a spiritual teacher who opens the path without claiming it for themselves.

    Harmony Through Alignment

    When Leeloo finally unites with the stones, the universe aligns—the energies of the elements, once hidden and protected, become a force to banish darkness. The film subtly portrays that spiritual balance is not abstract but actionable: confronting the evil within, aligning the energies (chakras), and opening the crown transforms chaos into harmony.

    In the end, The Fifth Element is more than a flamboyant space opera. It is a meditation on inner awakening, the latent power within the human form, and the eternal interplay of light and darkness—reminding us that true salvation emerges when we harmonize the elements inside ourselves.

    Thanks,

    Ira